Headlines Overlooked During DNC

Obama Admits He Doesn't Know How Many Houses John McCain Owns
"I've never had to take John home after chambers and I've only been to Arizona a couple of times. Wonderful state though. May even still be in play. Needs more cities. Michelle's not a desert person."

McCain Hospitalized After Bad Hair Day
A spokesperson for the McCain campaign assured reporters that the Senator's hair was never in danger and that a group of top cosmetic surgeons were being flown in from Los Angeles as he spoke. "Senator McCain is totally in command of the crisis. We can't put America at risk. This could happen on the last day of our convention. John McCain and his campaign are fully focused on finding someone who can comb the Senator's hair."

Fourteen Way Tie For Worst Speech Ever Uttered At Democratic National Convention
"My husband thought I was great and I don't even give head."
"They laughed at the wrong parts."
"No one's afraid of hamburgers anymore."
"Cows have to stop farting. They're melting the polar caps."
"I lost my house."
"I lost my job."
"I lost my health coverage."
"I lost my mind."
"I lost my virginity."
About time.

Don Arrup
Satire1