Obama Soley Responsible for Spike in Oil

Senator Barack Obama admitted today that the most recent McCain ads suggesting he is responsible for the recent spike in oil and gasoline prices were dead on the money- his money and yours.

“Before accepting my party’s nomination for the Presidency of the United States I feel it’s important that the American people understand that my opponent, Senator McCain, is accurate when he says I’m the reason you are paying significantly more for your gasoline and heating oil. Since entering the United States Senate I have acted as a one man country and developed my own diplomatic relations with India and China among others and have pressed them to abandon the bicycle which I assured them makes them look ridiculous and third world to top investors and promised them their economies would thrive if they would just waste more energy. If they could not afford the automobiles I told them to just buy the demon piss and burn in it in ditches. If investors don’t see you doing everything you can to pollute your environment, mortgage your children’s futures while enslaving yourselves to the Middle East terrorist sponsors then they will take their investment dollars elsewhere. India and China listened to me and put incredible demand pressure on the international market driving up the commodity futures Michelle and I have been cornering for the last three years. Understand that each move each breath even every thought that flashes by in my brilliant Ivy head raises the price of your gas and your heating oil.

Now, drilling offshore or in Alaska won’t give you any relief until my daughters are out of the house but it could affect my oil futures now. There are three hundred million people in the United States and I can’t please all of you so I’m going to please myself. Osama and Obama can both get rich on the same paper. McCain married millions while my wife will be taking a brutal pay cut to work twice as hard as First Lady. The American people know how to sacrifice and so I’m asking all of you to give it up at the pump to keep the first family rich. You did it for eight years for younger Bush. I’m asking all of you to do it for my family.

Don Aruup
Satire1