In an unforeseen turnaround of historic proportions the Iranian backed Palestinian terrorist organization Hamas made a secret alliance with the radical Jewish settlers of the West Bank and together launched a two front attack on the state of Israel breaking through Israeli army lines and taking nearly one third of its territory. Proclaiming a marriage of convenience in order to end the “Tyranny of the Two State Solutionists” Hamas and the settlers who have declared themselves the New Judea claim that they will wage war against the state of Israel and the Palestinian Authority Fatah until there isn’t a pacifist left in the region.
“If God didn’t want war he wouldn’t have made human beings,” said Shem McDonald, spokesperson for the New Judea Secretariat. “We have raised the Temple and it is a tank.”
“Israel was becoming impossible to terrorize,” complained Mohamed Smith of Hamas. “We launched over two thousand rockets and the Israelis ignored us. They were deliberately attempting to impoverish us of our weapons. It’s a violation of our human rights as a people. What have you got to do to get invaded around here?”
On January 2cd the Israeli Army entered the Gaza Strip. “Everything everywhere is a trap in the Middle East,” said Col. Hiram McDougal of Israeli Army Intelligence. “There’s just too much religion and oil and people and Sun for anything but craziness. “ Col. McDougal said that he was surprised that Hamas and the settlers hadn’t allied before. “They both want the exact same thing. They want all of Palestine for themselves. Why did it take them so long to realize this?”
Both Hamas and the settlers have pledged to annihilate the other once the unbelieving majorities are exiled. “This is holy land. If you aren’t killing or being killed you don’t belong here,” said Smith. McDougal agreed, “Caliphate or Messiah, just bring it.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
