Porky Pig, Bio-Terrorist

Porky Pig, The Three Little Pigs and The Little Piggies have been implicated in a report by the Central Intelligence Agency of designing and propagating the virus H1N1 otherwise known as Swine Flu. The report includes aerial photographs of a group of laboratories in northern Mexico formerly employed in the making of heroin and crystal methadone by the local drug cartels that the CIA claims have been converted into bio-weapons factories. “We may have had it wrong in Iraq,” says CIA spokesman, Agent X Death, “but this time we have hard evidence that the disgruntled former Warner Brothers star has joined forces with the disgraced real estate developers and the lower digits of children to create deadly drug resistant strains of their species influenza to transmit to the human race.”

As the World Health Organization studies the evidence President Obama is taking preliminary actions which he calls cautionary including an executive order to shut down the Cartoon Network and arresting children wearing sandals or going barefoot in public. “I know these measures may appear extreme to our uninformed citizens,” said the President, “but I will see to it that the Federal Government will bring its full and indiscriminate force to bear on those who threaten our lives and property. My own daughters have been isolated by the Secret Service and await blood testing and interrogation for wearing flip flops to the family breakfast table.”

The Pentagon has been ordered to present its contingency plans for the invasion of Mexico as the leaders in a majority of NATO countries have already pledged to commit troops to the effort. Al Qaeda released a video to Al Jazeera claiming credit for the pandemic saying that the swine and the haters of swine eaters have finally joined forces to cleanse the world of bacon breath. As scientists race to create a vaccine reports of massacres and genocidal rampages on hog farms and slaughterhouses from Chicago to Beijing continue to pour in.

President Obama promises to track down the perpetrators of this atrocity whether their house is made of straw, wood or brick. “We’ll huff and we’ll puff and we’ll blow their hideouts down,” Obama said. “We’ve already taken into custody the Little Piggies who went to the market, stayed home, had roast beef and had none, however, the Little Piggy who went wee wee wee all the way home at this time is still at large.” Agents of the FBI, DEA and Alcohol, Tobacco and Curly Tails are working in cooperation with local police to bring the last Little Piggy to justice

Acting Surgeon General and Acting Assistant Secretary of Health Rear Admiral Steven K. Galson (ARASGAASH) when asked what would happen if the virus mutates into a far more lethal and aggressive strain responded,
“Da-da-da-da-da-da-dat’s all folks.”

Don Arrup
Satire1