Zombie Versus Vampire Banks

Bank of America is called such as it is bought and paid for by all Americans. As spent as the post honeymoon gonads of a octanagerian BA has gone from a gigantic mausoleum capable of only foreclosing homes and raising credit card fees to a black hole tax hole insatiable financial vampire too big to fail and to deep to nail.

Garlic will not protect you nor the cross. Bank of America cannot see itself in the mirror or face the sun but it knows what it needs: Your tax dollars.

“We are America. We are the Bank.”

Obama weighed in at a press conference.

“You see, the American people are so used to being sucked dry by these big banks that if we let them fail, for even a day, the shock to our system could be fatal. We could drown in our own blood so to speak. We’re like those pale women in negligees wandering inside the glass vestibules around the bank machines waiting for the bank to open- like Dracula’s coffin. Sure, it’s clean and there’s no cobwebs or bats flying around. And once in a while you see somebody actually walk out with some rather than just the chumps pinching the blood nipple machine for enough green to get a sandwich.”

“The first protection I will ask from Congress is that the Banks can’t take your pants. The American people need to have their butts covered. The Banks have already agreed to this in principle because if the American people don’t have pants they don’t have pockets and if they don’t have pockets where are the Banks and myself going to put our hands? So our Administration and the Banks have agreed to join hands while they are still in your pockets to protect your family jewels and treasure. This is the way to prosperity and a brighter future. We are Americans because we are the depositors, debtors and now guardian uncles of the Bank of America. Bank bless America and Bank bless all of you.”

Don Arrup
Satire1