Why We Don't Have Universal Health Care

I asked the guy standing next to me at the bus stop why we don't have Universal health care. He said it was because I smoked and he didn't want his tax dollars covering my oxygen tank. I told him he was fat and I didn't want to pay for his triple bypass. The diabetic woman with three kids was asking people passing by if they had any candy while promising her kids ice cream when they got home. The church lady refused to pay for people who had more than one sex partner while the drunk announced he needed a drink and a new liver. The girl who had come out of the tanning salon said that if the bus didn’t come soon she’d get skin cancer which caused the junkie to laugh so hard he stumbled into the street where he was hit by a skateboarder not wearing a helmet knocking the junkie in front of an SUV driven by a guy engrossed in his cell phone. Then the SUV swerved and crushed a Smart car.

The fat guy turned to me and said, “You see, this is why I don’t exercise.”

*Read on the air as one of WNYC's semi-finalists in their Satire Slam Contest on 4/29/09. Thank you to all the readers and listeners for their support.

Don Arrup
Satire1