President Obama having commented on recent altercation between the God of Light and the Prince of Darkness has apologized and asked Jehovah and Lucifer to come by the White House for a beer.
“I spoke without knowing all the facts. I’ve read the Bible and Milton but those are human accounts of a conflict older than McDonald’s. Now if God remains in heaven and the Devil continues to dwell in Hell I just don’t see any opportunity for progress. If the two great universal forces can’t be brought together in the same room I’m afraid that we the people will continue to suffer, age, rage and chose inappropriate footwear.”
“A guy calls up his health insurance company and tells the agent or the guy in India who answers the phone that their doctors have told him he’s dying and he immediately needs food, air, water, clothing and shelter or he’s going to die soon. He went to specialist after specialist hoping he would find another diagnosis but to no avail. Plagued with these relentless needs and just a breath or heartbeat away from death-as we all are- he pleaded with his health insurance company to save him. The person who only has a first name now holds the caller’s fate in his hands tells the insured that dying is exempt from coverage due to a pre-existing condition called birth. The company is compelled, even by state and federal law, to only accept people who were born and who can even recall the date of their birth. And since we begin dying from the moment we are born birth is a pre-condition to dying.”
“Now the dying caller wasn’t about to try to deny he was born. In all honesty he did fill in a date. A day he could not recall anything about. Not even sure he was even alive. The insurance company is acting within the law and has every right to deny the caller these prescriptions which he so desperately needs in order to survive.”
“Now you may to asking yourself what this has to do with inviting God and the Devil over for a beer and isn’t even this theological beer summit something Hilary should be handling as Secretary of Pants. I appreciate your confusion and if I had any idea whatsoever how they are linked except by our wider financial crisis I would explain it to you to the best of my ability.”
“We, the people of the United States and of the entire world, are stuck with this condition called Death because a Jewish couple from what I’ve read failed to obey God about this tree which started all the trouble in the Middle East which continues to this day. This is why we have to address Health Care, International Relations, Green Infrastructure, God, the Devil now in order to create an economy that will serve the needs of the born.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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