Daylight Spending

President Obama addressed the nation during his weekly radio address.

"My fellow Americans, you are all aware of the differences of opinion between myself and the Republicans as to how to address the deficit. Our unwillingness to compromise is endangering our immediate economic future and that for generations to come."

"Last week I proposed suspending the return to Daylight Savings Time and ushering in a new era where every American has more hours- two more hours if my full proposal is passed- every year to work, worship or spend with their families. I asked Congress to not only suspend the hour jump yesterday but to actually turn the clock back an hour again making it Spring Back, Fall Back."

"I am sorry to say that it appears my proposal was dead on arrival in the Republican controlled House of Representatives before my Director of the Four Dimensions was given a hearing on the costs and benefits of this change."

"Now I'm not going to lie to you. There will be some expenditures involved in adding a hour in both the Autumn and Spring. Since the additional hours are added early Sunday morning only federal employees working the weekend will be making an additional two hours wages. The atomic clocks controlled by our military will have to be reprogramed and prisoners will have additional hours of incarceration but they can't vote anyway so screw them."

"The Surgeon General has assured me that a large portion of the American people are suffering from sleep deprivation from working more than one job, trying to balance work and the needs of the family and the vast universe of free pornography available on the internet. Another precious hour of sleep right at the peak of our busiest times of the year could mean the difference between crashing your car and getting safely to work on time; reviewing that last chapter before midterms at the Community College you snobbed your way into or simply getting the nookie you need to think straight before facing a long week of work."

"I am sorry to say that my Republican colleagues once again were unwilling to consider another one of my brilliant ideas simply because they feared its passage would make me look good in an election year. So if at any time between now and November you find yourself short of time you know that the fault lies not with you but with Republicans controlling the House of Representatives."

Don Arrup

Satire1