Neighbors and friends of Joe the Plumber confirmed rumors that the prospective Ohio businessman who spoke to Senator Obama and became a central topic of the last presidential debate had dated both Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin and Presidential candidate Barack Obama’s wife before they were married.
Confronted with the testimonies the plumber capitulated that he had always been a legman and never had a racial or political litmus test for those he dated. “I got around when I was younger and whether I was visiting Alaska or following my ball team to Chicago I always found that no matter where I went women have pipes,” said Joe. “I’m not sure how folks around here would know about my wider exploits since I’ve always been discrete about the bathrooms I’ve been in but I guess here and there I must have dropped a name to go with a Polaroid on my shop wall.”
Michelle Obama was reluctant to comment on the issue until a picture of her with Joe from 1987 where she was wearing a strapless purple dress was distributed on the Internet. “I do remember Joe. We met at a Big Boy’s on the south side. He showed up at a very special and vulnerable time in my life. He wasn’t like anyone I ever met in Chicago or Princeton. He had quite a wrench for a white boy and could tighten things I didn’t even know were loose.”
After hearing Ms. Obama’s comments Governor Palin decided to hold a press conference to address her relationship. “Of course I remember Joe. How could I forget him? He wasn’t just any old Joe. He was special and I’m sure he still is. We dated briefly since Joe was only in Anchorage for two nights. I tried to convince him to move to our fair state or at least come back after the thaw but Joe loved Ohio. Good ole Ohio Joe. He’s really the reason John and I are running for the Oval Office. To help people like Joe fulfill their dreams and clear our drains. You don’t happen to have his phone number? I’m in Ohio next week and Joe could really put some pump in my stump.”
The plumber was pleased after seeing the women’s responses. “It’s hard for me to recognize them with their clothes on but they both still look great,“ blow Joe. “There’s nothing number two about either of those ladies.”
The press asked Bob the Builder and Mr. Goodwrench if they might also share a past with either Governor Palin or Michelle Obama. “I don’t discuss the notches in my tool belt.” said Goodwrench. “Whatever I did with Paris, Britney, Oprah and Cher with my power tools is between us. No last names is my policy.”
“I’m gay,” said Bob the Builder, “but I sure wouldn’t mind erecting something with Barack and John is cute too in a Vietnam vet teddy bear sort of way.”
Don Arrup
Satire1
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Social and Political musings of the Mad Playwright of 95th Street.
