Who Bails Out Congress?

Reasons Lawmakers Changed Their Minds On the Rescue Bill

“The President gave me a cowboy hat.”

“I’ll vote against anything on Monday but if a bill doesn’t pass on Thursday it could cost me my weekend.”

“I thought all the Democrats would vote for it and leave me room to be righteous.”

“I forgot we’re in the majority now.”

“Finally, funds to research ponies as an alternative energy source.”

“I didn’t want everyone to think I was easy.”

“Speaker Pelosi explained to me how the thousands of calls and emails from constituents were really just directed to my office and not to me personally. And she was right, none of them asked me how I felt about the bill. They were just trying to use me to vote their view. Pelosi calls it Representative abuse.”

“The bill had grown to 450 pages and the leadership was threatening to make us read it.”

“I had the wrong underwear on for the first vote. Briefs never shrink right. Barney Frank fixed me up with some silk boxers and the country can breath free again.”

“This is a historic vote, second in importance only to my vote to authorize the President to invade Iraq, This bill will change fundamentally the relationship between the public and private sector for generations. I voted my conscience Monday and went home and my wife kicked my ass.”

Don Arrup
Satire1